A Very Happy Anniversary

Today marks our second anniversary of being a Feingold Family.  On April 22, 2010 my husband and I made the decision to completely change the way our family eats because of the problems we were having with our five year old son's behavior.  In doing so, we changed the course of Ben's life entirely, and ours.  Even writing that sentence brings me instant tears, because I am so thankful for the divine intervention (via my Mom!) that led us to the Feingold Diet.  I can't imagine where we'd be without it.

My first blog post ever was our story about how we became a Feingold Family, and you can read that here.

This morning I took out the Feingold Symptom Checklist, and Darrin and I both filled it out for the behavior we see in Ben today.  Is our son perfect?  Well, what IS a perfect seven year old boy?  Is there such a thing?  He still runs through mud puddles, eats like a tornado, picks occasional fights with his little sister, and thinks fart noises are the funniest thing on earth.  But those are symptoms of being male and seven. So yes, our son is perfect.

Here are the major symptoms that eating an all-natural diet eliminated in Ben, and thereby changed our lives:

1. Unresponsiveness to discipline
2. Low frustration tolerance
3. Disruptive behavior, disturbs others
4. Poor self control
5. Unpredictable behavior
6. Inability to follow directions
7. Inability to focus
8. Headaches/Leg aches

There were symptoms I didn't check back then that I later learned were also due to food, like this little high-pitched scream that Ben used to make, involuntarily.  Now that I'm informed, I know that's considered a tic.  Back then I thought he was just being rude.  I haven't heard that noise in over a year.

Two years ago I checked twenty-three symptoms on the list.  Today we checked six. And even some of those, like low self-esteem, are waning by-products of the two years before changing diets.

When Ben was five, before we started the program, you could look him in the eyes, threaten punishment of the worst sort for a five year old, and he would still turn around and do the offensive behavior.  Nothing worked.  Not with us, not with his Kindergarten teacher, not with his daycare provider.  Two weeks on the Feingold program and that problem was minimal.  For the first time in a long time, you could see information sinking in.  Today, Ben is able to reason out his own consequences before doing something wrong, and usually change his own behavior before it happens.

Is some of the change due to Ben's age? Absolutely.  A seven year old boy is much more rational than a five year old.  But had we not changed our way of life, I'm not sure my five year old boy would have been able to learn the lessons needed to become the stable seven year old he is today.  I honestly believe our nights would still be filled with time outs, loss of Wii, punishments and frustration for all of us.

Two years ago, my Dad tried to stage an intervention with me because we had gone Feingold.  My family felt that what we were doing with Ben's diet was wrong - that we were causing him to be "different" from other children because he couldn't eat what they were eating.  He even handed me a book on parenting.  That day I told my Dad that if we didn't do something, Ben would be "different" anyway because he couldn't get along with other kids, was struggling in school, and couldn't focus enough or coordinate his muscles enough to play team sports.  I asked my Dad to give me a chance, support us, and see if changing our diets helped.  He did, and today my parents recommend the Feingold program to so many other families and are some of our biggest supporters.

The other day I spoke to Ben's second grade teacher, Mrs. B.  We were discussing Ben and his buddy Evan and their current problem of making fart noises in class.  I told Mrs. B I was sympathetic that she had those boys together in her class this year, but told her she was very lucky she didn't have them together in Kindergarten. She reminded me that she did work in their Kindergarten class.  She said "I'm so thankful you found the Feingold Program before I got Ben in my class - the difference in him is amazing!"    

The past two years have not been easy.  And it was a least a year of journaling food and tracking behavior before we identified many of the triggers that caused the bad behavior in Ben.  Even now, we experiment with how much Stage 2 food he can eat without reacting, trying new restaurants and hoping they use quality ingredients, or identifying foods we never knew caused reaction.  But over the past year Ben has matured so much with his diet that he no longer sneaks contraband food, isn't terribly bothered when he can't order his favorite meal in a restaurant, and completely understands why he can't eat the candy at the Little League Parade.

People ask me if this is something Ben will grow out of.  I don't think so.  He will always have sensitivities to food.  But as he gets older he will be able to deal with his reactions better.  Even now, he tells me when he has "crazy brain" and requests "magic soda", and we work on techniques to control his frustration or anger when he does have a reaction.   So I do think Ben the adult will be able to eat foods that Ben the kid can't, and food won't always control his life.

Meanwhile, we will celebrate our daily success and continue tinkering with diet and supplements.  More importantly, we will continue to share our information to help other families and I ask that you please share this information, too.  Nothing makes me feel better than to hear the hope in a parent's voice when they realize there is such a simple way to help their struggling child.

Darrin and I have always loved our son.  But there was a two year period where we didn't like him.  Nothing can make you feel worse as a parent.  Today our son can still cause us moments of frustration (because he is a seven year old boy after all) but more often he causes us moments of sheer joy and pride.  I am so thankful for the Feingold Program, my husband who has supported this journey every step of the way, my family and Ben's daycare providers and teachers who have done everything to help Ben stay on track with food, and Ben for being a willing participant.

The wrong food doesn't just cause bad days in our home, it causes a total disaster.  Clean food, on the other hand, brings normalcy and happiness to life as we know it.  

For more information on the Feingold Program, please go to http://www.feingold.org/.