A Very Happy Anniversary

Today marks our second anniversary of being a Feingold Family.  On April 22, 2010 my husband and I made the decision to completely change the way our family eats because of the problems we were having with our five year old son's behavior.  In doing so, we changed the course of Ben's life entirely, and ours.  Even writing that sentence brings me instant tears, because I am so thankful for the divine intervention (via my Mom!) that led us to the Feingold Diet.  I can't imagine where we'd be without it.

My first blog post ever was our story about how we became a Feingold Family, and you can read that here.

This morning I took out the Feingold Symptom Checklist, and Darrin and I both filled it out for the behavior we see in Ben today.  Is our son perfect?  Well, what IS a perfect seven year old boy?  Is there such a thing?  He still runs through mud puddles, eats like a tornado, picks occasional fights with his little sister, and thinks fart noises are the funniest thing on earth.  But those are symptoms of being male and seven. So yes, our son is perfect.

Here are the major symptoms that eating an all-natural diet eliminated in Ben, and thereby changed our lives:

1. Unresponsiveness to discipline
2. Low frustration tolerance
3. Disruptive behavior, disturbs others
4. Poor self control
5. Unpredictable behavior
6. Inability to follow directions
7. Inability to focus
8. Headaches/Leg aches

There were symptoms I didn't check back then that I later learned were also due to food, like this little high-pitched scream that Ben used to make, involuntarily.  Now that I'm informed, I know that's considered a tic.  Back then I thought he was just being rude.  I haven't heard that noise in over a year.

Two years ago I checked twenty-three symptoms on the list.  Today we checked six. And even some of those, like low self-esteem, are waning by-products of the two years before changing diets.

When Ben was five, before we started the program, you could look him in the eyes, threaten punishment of the worst sort for a five year old, and he would still turn around and do the offensive behavior.  Nothing worked.  Not with us, not with his Kindergarten teacher, not with his daycare provider.  Two weeks on the Feingold program and that problem was minimal.  For the first time in a long time, you could see information sinking in.  Today, Ben is able to reason out his own consequences before doing something wrong, and usually change his own behavior before it happens.

Is some of the change due to Ben's age? Absolutely.  A seven year old boy is much more rational than a five year old.  But had we not changed our way of life, I'm not sure my five year old boy would have been able to learn the lessons needed to become the stable seven year old he is today.  I honestly believe our nights would still be filled with time outs, loss of Wii, punishments and frustration for all of us.

Two years ago, my Dad tried to stage an intervention with me because we had gone Feingold.  My family felt that what we were doing with Ben's diet was wrong - that we were causing him to be "different" from other children because he couldn't eat what they were eating.  He even handed me a book on parenting.  That day I told my Dad that if we didn't do something, Ben would be "different" anyway because he couldn't get along with other kids, was struggling in school, and couldn't focus enough or coordinate his muscles enough to play team sports.  I asked my Dad to give me a chance, support us, and see if changing our diets helped.  He did, and today my parents recommend the Feingold program to so many other families and are some of our biggest supporters.

The other day I spoke to Ben's second grade teacher, Mrs. B.  We were discussing Ben and his buddy Evan and their current problem of making fart noises in class.  I told Mrs. B I was sympathetic that she had those boys together in her class this year, but told her she was very lucky she didn't have them together in Kindergarten. She reminded me that she did work in their Kindergarten class.  She said "I'm so thankful you found the Feingold Program before I got Ben in my class - the difference in him is amazing!"    

The past two years have not been easy.  And it was a least a year of journaling food and tracking behavior before we identified many of the triggers that caused the bad behavior in Ben.  Even now, we experiment with how much Stage 2 food he can eat without reacting, trying new restaurants and hoping they use quality ingredients, or identifying foods we never knew caused reaction.  But over the past year Ben has matured so much with his diet that he no longer sneaks contraband food, isn't terribly bothered when he can't order his favorite meal in a restaurant, and completely understands why he can't eat the candy at the Little League Parade.

People ask me if this is something Ben will grow out of.  I don't think so.  He will always have sensitivities to food.  But as he gets older he will be able to deal with his reactions better.  Even now, he tells me when he has "crazy brain" and requests "magic soda", and we work on techniques to control his frustration or anger when he does have a reaction.   So I do think Ben the adult will be able to eat foods that Ben the kid can't, and food won't always control his life.

Meanwhile, we will celebrate our daily success and continue tinkering with diet and supplements.  More importantly, we will continue to share our information to help other families and I ask that you please share this information, too.  Nothing makes me feel better than to hear the hope in a parent's voice when they realize there is such a simple way to help their struggling child.

Darrin and I have always loved our son.  But there was a two year period where we didn't like him.  Nothing can make you feel worse as a parent.  Today our son can still cause us moments of frustration (because he is a seven year old boy after all) but more often he causes us moments of sheer joy and pride.  I am so thankful for the Feingold Program, my husband who has supported this journey every step of the way, my family and Ben's daycare providers and teachers who have done everything to help Ben stay on track with food, and Ben for being a willing participant.

The wrong food doesn't just cause bad days in our home, it causes a total disaster.  Clean food, on the other hand, brings normalcy and happiness to life as we know it.  

For more information on the Feingold Program, please go to http://www.feingold.org/.  

Hello Blog

Dear Blog,

I know - I've been neglecting you.  It's not personal, we've just been so busy lately.  Work, homework, baseball, gymnastics, vision therapy. . . I swear I don't know how Darrin and I handle it all sometimes.  On top of that, I've set a weight loss goal for myself that just so happens to coincide with my little sister's bachelorette weekend in June and wedding in September.  So my evenings that were usually spent with you are now spent with my elliptical machine.

Hey Blog, did you know that DIETING SUCKS!?!

While I should be at work today, I am actually home with a sick 7 year old.  So let's catch up, shall we?

Lia has suddenly turned into a teenager.  She seriously has the attitude of a 13 year old.  I'm hoping it's a passing stage.  She does have an amazing sense of humor and I am watching her develop a confidence that I worried she may never find.  She has a new best friend at school named Carole, and the blossoming of this friendship, in addition to her friendship with her bestie Ella, make Lia happy to go to school every day.  This week Lia is Star Student in Kindergarten, and she was so excited to be the line leader to the Library today.  Thanks to my bestie Shawna who carts the girls every Tuesday afternoon, Lia has fallen in love with gymnastics, and looks cute as a button in her little leotard.

Ben has started baseball season, though because of the weather we haven't gotten much practice in yet.  Opening Day is this Saturday, and we can't wait to see how Ben handles himself this year.  We started Ben back on the supplements given to him by his Naturopath doctor before Christmas.  The supplement, called Acetyl-L-Carnatine, is experimental for kids with ADHD or Spectrum disorders.  It is supposed to help with focus, but after two weeks of our trial period, we found it actually does the opposite with our son.  Ben is more hyper and silly, went from A's and B's on tests to N's (the new version of F's), and is just a little harder to be around.  So last Friday we scrapped that supplement.  NO THANK YOU!!!  Now he's back to his calm, if somewhat distracted, self.  Vision therapy is going very well, but I'll share those results with you in a future post.

Darrin has had some time off work due to rain.  But he has been working diligently on our backyard project, with the grading done, dirt imported, and making minor tweaks to the drainage.  Next step is the concrete mow strips and we will be ready for grass!  I can't wait and as always, I'm just in awe at the things Darrin can do out in that yard.  I know this yard (the 4th one he's installed for us) will be his best work yet.  

And I've been busy balancing work and home life.  The media can report that the economy is picking up, but we surely don't see it in the construction industry in California.  We are lucky enough to be getting jobs, but they are projects with little money in them, which means we are unable to hire more people to handle the work and are trying to make due with existing staff.  We feel blessed to even have this problem when many construction firms are facing no work at all.  I spend my time focused on labor law (which is a minefield in California), contract law, business development, interaction with various associations, oh yeah - and overseeing operations where needed.  Sometimes I forget our business is to build things when I am so busy just dodging the regulatory pitfalls of California and Federal law.

So, Blog, now we're all caught up.  I will do my best to keep you in the loop, although having about three more hours in each day would help me greatly.  Meanwhile, here are the spring school pictures of my two very grown-up looking kids.

We'll talk soon, Blog, I promise.
Dina

A Lesson On Food Labels

Yesterday I found myself at Nugget Market, which is not one of my usual grocery stops because of its location.  I hadn't been there in a while, so I took my time going up and down the aisles looking for new all natural treats to bring home to my family.  As you can imagine, I love this hunt, but it takes a while.

At Bel Air or Whole Foods I can run in and out of the store without my Feingold 2012 Foodlist.  I know all our usual approved items and grocery shopping is easy.  But a new store, with unknown products, requires some meticulous reading of food labels.  And you can't trust food labels unless you are totally trained on what to look for.

So here are a few pointers:

1.  If a brand is known to have SOME all-natural products, you still can't trust that it has ALL all-natural products.  For example, Ghiradelli makes all natural chocolate, but not ALL of Ghiradelli chocolate is all natural - and a lot of their chocolate candy squares (raspberry, etc.) contain artificial ingredients.  The two brands I do trust, all the time:  Annie's, and Organic Valley.

2.  You want to look for labels that say "ALL NATURAL".  Then look for the fine print that usually says something like "No artificial ingredients" and "No preservatives".  The label below is a good example.

3. Beware of misleading terms like "Naturally Flavored".  If it doesn't specifically say the words "ALL NATURAL", it's hiding something.  "Naturally Flavored" instantly tells me that the product has artificial colors or contains preservatives.  Check out the Krusteaz Lemon Bars below.  The front says "Naturally Flavored" but you can see in the ingredients that there are artificial colors.  Yuck! (However Krusteaz does make an All Natural Cornbread - which makes my point for Item #1 above.)

4.  Watch out for the gotcha term of "No added preservatives" or "No added artificial ingredients".  See what they did there?  Food companies do not have to report ingredients in the ingredients they use.  For example, if they buy cream from another company to use as an ingredient in their product, they don't have to list what the ingredients are in the cream.  That word "Added" is a dead giveaway that there might have been something gross in an ingredient they purchased and used.

5.  For us Feingold parents with very sensitive kids, we also have to beware of the term "natural flavors" when listed in the ingredients.  Natural flavors could mean anything, believe it or not.  As a general rule, if a product lists "natural flavors" I consult my Feingold 2012 Foodlist or I steer clear, unless it's a brand I have grown to trust like Annie's or Organic Valley.

6.  Then there are foods that I know won't be all natural, but for some sick reason I feel compelled to check out the label.  Case in point:  Sweet Tarts.  I'll translate the ingredients list for you below the picture.

Translation:  Corn Syrup, Corn Syrup, Chemistry Experiment that makes things taste sour, and less than 2% of chemicals used for waterproofing, petroleum, synthetic dye using hydrocarbons from petroleum, synthetic dye used to color blue jeans, dye originally made from coal tar but now made from petroleum, synthetic azo dye known to cause the most adverse affects like migraines/depression/anxiety/blurred vision/itching/general weakness/heatwaves/sleep disturbance and is outlawed in several countries, aromatic hydrocarbons from petroleum known to cause migraines/hyperactivity/gastric upset.

So there you have it.  Don't buy Sweet Tarts.  For your children.  Ever.

Christmas Detox

After the whirlwind that is Christmas around here, we always need a few days to "detox" from the excess.  Darrin and I both need to detox from all the added sugar and calories we've consumed (including my new favorite drink:  coffee with Peppermint Mocha creamer - no it isn't all natural - with homemade whipped cream).  I need to detox from my kitchen, since five solid days of cooking and cleaning dishes has taken a toll on my back and feet.  Our kids need to detox from an influx of presents and visitors and constant stimulation.  Oh, and they need to detox from their new Wii.

And then our son truly needs to detox, in the literal sense of the word, from the excess of chocolate, Stage 2 foods, and possibly even corn syrup, that I let him indulge in over the last few days.

Because no matter how strict we are about diet, even I will give in and let Ben have more chocolate cookies or ambrosia salad at Christmas time.  Today he had all the predictable results of a kid who is reacting.

Chocolate = Extreme Emotions (crying over spilled milk, drama queen)

Stage 2 = Hyper, high pitched scream, fidgety

Corn Syrup = "I hate you Mom, you are SO MEAN!", trouble focusing.

I mean seriously, I can almost predict the time and the words out of his mouth when he's reacting.  Thank goodness for magic soda (1/2 lemonade, 1/2 club soda) and the bicarbonate in the club soda that helps calm Ben's reactions.  After a dose of magic soda at 10:30 this morning, it was smooth sailing until later this evening.  By tomorrow he should be just fine.

Anyway, the reaction today was still worth it, because we had an incredible Christmas.  All of our family was home, we got to visit with everyone.  We ate great food all weekend.  Darrin and my mom and I enjoyed watching the kids open their presents on Christmas morning.  It was just perfect.

Here are pictures of some of my favorite moments of the days leading up to Christmas:

The kids playing Christmas Tic-Tac-Toe

Making Christmas sugar cookies together.  

Ben was totally into wrapping presents this year.  Not quite like
I would do it, but I was very happy for the help and let him wrap almost
all of them.  

Not wanting to be left out, Lia wrapped presents too. 

Lia with her cousins, Brooke & Kirsten, on Christmas Eve at the home of my in-laws. 

My Dad and Carrie at their house, our second stop on Christmas Eve.  

Something Just Occurred To Me

Tonight I wanted to write about the parent-teacher conferences I attended yesterday.  But, as much as I think through it, there is really no good material to discuss.  Nothing dreadful, nothing embarrassing, nothing exciting.

The two parent-teacher conferences I attended were rather boring. 

Do you know how liberating that is?  Two years ago, before we changed our diet, attending a parent-teacher conference with Ben's Kindergarten teacher was absolutely painful.  I already endured the daily notes home about his behavior, but to have to sit face to face with the teacher and discuss it?  Talk about a heavy load on my shoulders.

Last year, with Ben in first grade and with a few months behind us on the Feingold Diet, I was so hopeful for good news that anything less than good was depressing.  Even though Ben had improved so much over Kindergarten, he still had behavior issues and certainly learning issues.  Of course, it wasn't until the end of first grade that we realized the impact that corn syrup had on Ben's behavior and focus, eliminating it from our diet as well.

But this year, driving to their school, I felt absolutely no anxiety.  I met first with Lia's teacher, who told me Lia is doing very well in Kindergarten, and although somewhat shy, got along very well with all the other Kindergartners.  Then I met with Ben's teacher, who discussed his A's, B's and two C's, assured me she wasn't worried about the two C's, and we formulated a plan to help him.

And then she was ready to conclude the conference - WITHOUT EVEN DISCUSSING BEHAVIOR!

Is this what normal feels like?

Another Round Of Pumpkins

Today was the Kindergarten field trip to Fog Willow, the pumpkin patch in our rural area.  We first went with Ben's Kinder class two years ago, although that seems like just yesterday.  Lia was very excited for her first field trip (and Ben was very jealous that he didn't get to go). 

The field trip was fantastic.  They had lots of things for the kids to do and see - I swear every year Fog Willow puts on a better and better show.  Besides picking pumpkins and going on a hay ride, the kids fed goats, brushed a pony, learned about chickens/rabbits/llamas/pigs, sheared a sheep, stuffed a hay bale and played on the playground.  A very busy morning!

It was especially nice to spend some time with Lia's class, to get to know some of the kids that she keeps talking about.

It also made me think back on Ben's field trip two years ago, when I spent the entire time making sure Ben didn't get into trouble, held still while the other kids were trying to learn, and didn't do something impulsive like kick a pumpkin or jump off the hay ride.  These types of reminders are good for making me realize how far we've come with Ben's behavior since we started the Feingold Program.

It also made me realize, in general, how much easier girls are than boys!

Like A Canary In A Coal Mine

Ben trying to look serious while
eating an ice cream sandwich.

Today we went for a follow up visit for Ben to our Naturopath doctor.  Except this time instead of meeting with Dr. Larrow (who I love and will remain my doctor), we got to meet Dr. Morgan, new to the practice, who specializes in children - especially children with spectrum disorders and ADD/ADHD.  Because Ben's behavior has been so great these past few months (aside from the occasional Stage 2 binge, or stupid yellow cheese incidents) our main issue to work on now is the remaining "brain fog", focus and attention issues. 

I have tried for the past month not to get my hopes up that Dr. Morgan would have answers to all my questions. 

But the instant we sat down in his office, after I saw how well he treated Ben, I could tell instantly that he was the right doctor for my son.  First of all, he already knew all about the Feingold Diet, and had even prescribed it for his patients in the past.  There was no need for me to educate him on this food program.  Second, I was able to talk freely to him about the food triggers we've identified for Ben, what I was thinking of eliminating next, and the results we have been seeing. 

Usually, when I start to tell a new audience about our diet, food triggers, the fact that Ben can't eat strawberries or he turns back into the exorcist - I always speak freely but internally I brace myself.  Because usually people think I'm a freak, or that I'm blaming food for bad parenting, or that I'm depriving my poor kid of strawberries, or that I'm simply nutso.  But Dr. Morgan got it.  He understood.  Not only that but he's been there - he also has a son with issues. 

And as soon as I realized that we could speak on the same level, I stopped, and I thanked him.  Until now my only resource has been the internet, the Feingold online forum, the Feingold Facebook page - people across the country, but nobody in the flesh and blood.  Not only is he a real person, but he is someone who actually knows way more about this stuff than I do, and can actually be a resource!  Realizing this was very overwhelming for me, such a relief, and it was all I could do to sit there and thank him and not cry. 

Dr. Morgan explained some of the science to me, about why kids like Ben can't seem to tolerate even natural foods without having severe behavioral or physical symptoms.  My goodness, there is science behind it!  A rational explanation!  Music to my ears.  He also told me a story about how miners used to take a canary into the coal mine with them - and when the canary died, they knew the air was bad and they needed to move to safer areas.   Dr. Morgan said our children are the canary in the coal mine with regard to our food now days.  Their bodies are not as developed so they show symptoms much earlier than our adult bodies would. 

The best part of our visit today - we have a plan!  And not some plan that I concocted from a few hours of internet research (although I have to say I haven't done so bad this past year using this method).  Ben will take probiotics to help heal his tummy, another supplement I can't even pronounce to do something I can't even understand (but he gave me some take home reading to try and learn about it), and a stronger dose of fish oil for the important omegas. After four weeks we will meet again and tweak our doses and our plan if need be.

I'm not going to lie, having all these supplements for Ben takes a leap of faith.  Knowing that Dr. Morgan is as passionate as I am on this issue, knows way more about it than I do, and has his own child with similar experiences - it all makes me trust that this is the right journey for us to be on.  God puts people on your path when you need them, and I'm pretty sure that is why Dr. Morgan came to us when he did. 

I am so excited (but still trying not to get my hopes up) that Ben's "brain fog" may someday be nothing but a fuzzy memory.

For more on Dr. Morgan and Revolutions Natural Medical Center please click here. 

Irony

I laughed out loud while buying this shirt for Ben.  And I thought about getting a permanent marker to cross out "For" and put "On".  Because if I actually gave Ben Cocoa Puffs, you would see some serious Cuckoo behavior for sure! 

Maybe I should try it, and then send him off to visit his Grandparents for a week. . . .

Stage 2 Blues

Last week while we were on vacation, Ben didn't seem to be his regular self.  Well, I'm not really sure what his "regular" self is - the newer, calmer version or the hyper angry version?  I'd like to think it's the newer, calmer version. 

Anyway, even after he calmed down from the stupid yellow cheese incident, he still seemed slightly restless and grumpy, easily bored, a little hyper.  We were outside a lot so the behavior wasn't too intolerable.  But I just wasn't sure, was it because he was tired and out of his routine being on vacation, was it food, was it just him sick of spending 24 hours a day with his little sister during summer break?

When we got home, I decided to take away all Stage Two foods.  You may remember that on the Feingold Program, you don't just eliminate artificial colors, flavors and preservatives - you also eliminate some natural food as well during Stage One.  The foods you eliminate are mostly fruits and some veggies that contain higher levels of salicylates (sals), somewhat of a naturally occurring "pesticide" the way I understand it.  Stage Two foods include berries, tomatoes, apples, oranges, bell peppers, paprika, grapes, almonds and more. 

Every Feingold mom starts out convinced that her kid will be able to reintroduce Stage Two foods at some point with no problem.  Yet most of us find out that our kids are super sensitive to Stage Two foods - although we have no idea why the connection that kids sensitive to artificials are also sensitive to sals.  Because Ben was not diagnosed with Autism or Aspergers (and only seems to have the mild problem of ADHD) I thought for sure the artificials would be the only problem. 

What we've found is quite the mixed bag.  Ben can usually tolerate organic apples without skins, but strawberries cause reactions similar to eating artificials.  He seems to tolerate tomatoes just fine (thank God because we eat a lot of pasta sauce around here) but can't handle the pectin in store bought vanilla yogurt.  Sals cause what we call a build up reaction, in that typically one serving will not cause a reaction - but repeated servings over multiple days do cause reactions.  I think this is what was happening on vacation. 

On vacation Ben was eating at least one serving of a Stage Two item per day.  So we pulled all Stage Two foods away last Saturday.  By Monday he was calm, happy, busy.  Yesterday he had a great day at daycare and was extremely helpful weeding the garden, brushed his teeth and even flossed with no arguments, and went right to bed.  And he only fought with his sister once or twice. 

I am sad that Ben can't enjoy a bowl of strawberries or have grapes everyday like other kids.  Jelly will be a hard thing to ever enjoy, as well as fruit yogurt or smoothies.  I'm sure at some point in his life he'll get tired of Stage One fruits like mango, bananas, watermelon and pears.  But the Stage One Ben is so much better off than the Stage Two Ben, and hopefully he feels this difference  too.  Meanwhile we'll keep trying different combinations of Stage Two foods until we figure out just what works for Ben (and us!).

Stupid Yellow Cheese

Did you know that In-N-Out Burger serves all natural, preservative free food?  Well, it does, and yesterday was one of those days where I did not have time to cook.  You see, we were to leave on vacation today and I had many errands to run and things to do before we left - none of which involved cooking dinner for my family.  So through the In-N-Out drive thru I went.  And I decided to let Ben have a cheeseburger instead of a hamburger. 

Sounds like not a big deal, except that we identified ANNATTO as a behavior trigger for Ben some time ago.  Annatto is the all natural coloring used to make cheese yellow.  Why is it necessary? No idea,  because the white version of cheddar or American cheese tastes exactly the same. 

Well, ever since we found out that corn syrup was a major trigger, I've been retrying things that I had thought were triggers in the past, to make sure it wasn't just the corn syrup that caused the problems.  The day before we had to leave on an eight hour road trip was probably not the smartest time to try out a known/suspected trigger food.  And we all paid dearly for my mistake.  Because lo and behold ANNATTO IS A TRIGGER, and we spent eight hours pent up in our motorhome with a raving lunatic. 

Here's the symptoms:  picking a fight with EVERYONE (even the dog), the world is out to get him, "I don't like you MOM!" about a million times, "LIA STOP LOOKING AT ME!" about a million times, restless, bored, antsy, grumpy and all around angry, and a horrible HORRIBLE listener (couldn't follow any directions).

So, about thirty minutes from our final destination I finally had Darrin swing through an Albertson's where I bought some club soda.  About 1/4 cup of club soda and Ben was mostly back to his awesome self.  I have no idea why this works, but it's the sodium bicarbonate and for some reason it stabilizes his system.  We call it "Magic Soda" because usually within five minutes it can totally settle down a reaction.

Sure enough, the rest of our evening was pretty good. 

During the eight hour road trip, I finally pulled out the user's manual for my camera and started learning what all the different settings were for.  So I got some pictures of the scenery along the way from California to McKenzie Bridge, Oregon where we are visiting for my cousin Jackie's wedding.  (If there are any crazy internet stalkers out there, we have a housesitter - so don't think you can run amok at our house while we're gone or steal our chickens!)

Here was the view from our motorhome window (try not to notice the windshield bugs):

A Night For Celebration

If you didn't read my blog post about the 1st grade behavior cards, please read this first. 

Earlier this month, Ben told me that he was going to work hard to get no cards pulled this month.  I told him that if he did that, we would celebrate. 

Check out what I got in my inbox today:

So, don't bother calling us tonight, we'll be out celebrating!

Ghiradelli Chocolate And Quiet Time

Dinner went swimmingly tonight!  We went to Trattoria Paradisio on Cannery Row.  For the kids I ordered the homemade cheese ravioli with olive oil and parmesan instead of the marinara sauce.  I also ordered shrimp grilled with olive oil, salt and pepper for them on the side.  The restaurant made their own bread as well, and if it is rustic French or Italian bread it is typically safe for us.  Homemade bread is usually free of preservatives, and the rustic type is free of pan spray since it's allowed to cook free form.  So the kids were able to eat the bread tonight too.

Dinner was so nice and calm.  I have to remind myself sometimes how it used to be before our diet changes.  We used to think it was normal to have to keep our kids occupied every minute, stop them from banging their silverware, quiet them from being too loud or screaming - yeah, we were THOSE people.  The people you wondered why they would EVER take their kids to a restaurant.  I'd bring bags full of things to do:  coloring books, games, books to read, toys. 

Tonight the kids drew pictures on the paper tablecloth and wrote notes.  Here is Ben's:

Here is Lia's (can't seem to get it turned right side up):

After dinner we treated the kids to a Monterey Bay stuffed animal (read:  overpriced souvenir) and a trip to Ghiradelli Chocolate.  You may not know this, but Ghiradelli offers chocolates with no artificial colors or flavors.  The Milk Chocolate is one of those, as well as a few of their other varieties.  (Note:  not all their chocolates are free of artificials or preservatives, so buyer beware!)  We had hoped the kids could eat Ghiradelli ice cream, and the store was more than happy to show me the ingredients list.  The list boasted "All Natural Flavors" but right there at the bottom was Yellow #5 and other artificial colors.  Why in the world would you need yellow artificial color in vanilla ice cream?  Crazy!  So we let the kids pick a few of the natural chocolate candies.  Ben was in heaven.  But wouldn't you know it, my lima-bean-eating daughter didn't like chocolate. 

We know that chocolate, even when all natural, can be a trigger for emotional and irrational behavior for Ben if he has it too many days in a row.  But we've never let him have a bunch in one sitting before.  So we have been waiting all night for the reaction to take place.  Right now, the kids are laying in their beds watching a movie, and all is quiet.  Maybe we've figured out a chocolate binge in one sitting is just fine!

They Let Me Down

I have been so grateful to everyone over the past couple of days for sending me links to all the press surrounding the FDA's sudden interest in artificial food coloring.  Organizations like Feingold and CSPI have been trying to get the FDA to take action against artificial colors, flavors and preservatives for a very long time.  Because of the FDA hearings this week, the issue of food colorings that was known by very few is now a mainstream topic of conversation.  That in itself is a big win!  I especially liked this footage of a Feingold mom at the FDA hearing explaining her experience - she could have been telling our story. 

However the FDA voted 8-6 to not take any action at this time.  No warning labels on food containing artificials.  No ban on artificials.  All the FDA agreed to do is request more research.  In Europe, warning labels saying "May cause behavior and attention problems in children" are required on any food with artificials.  In many countries these additives are banned altogether.  But there is big money in the food/chemical business and big money in the pharmaceutical business so in this case, it sure doesn't seem like the FDA is representing the people.  They let me down. 

The problem is that there aren't enough studies to "scientifically prove" that these additives cause behavior and attention issues.  The Feingold Association has looked into the studies that have been done in the past, and until recently, many of the studies were done by the food companies themselves, who have incentives to prove the less costly artificial flavorings cause no harm.  These studies also gave very small doses of artificials, maybe 28grams, and saw no significant difference in behavior.  But today's children eat an average of 300-400g per day!  Also, the studies looked at the additives separately, but more recent studies have shown that combinations of additives produce much stronger reactions. 

I don't need a scientific study to know what these additives did to my son.  I am reminded of it every time he eats something off diet.  Over the past year my family, friends, Ben's teachers, have seen the difference in my son when he stays away from additives.  But even with the testimony of thousands of Feingold parents just like me, the FDA is not convinced that these additives hurt the population in general -  although they are on the verge of admitting that they are harmful for children with ADHD.  I guess it's a start. 

But here's my two cents:  Read below to see what these additives are made of.  How can anyone read this and think it is a good idea to have these things in our food?  Most are not only petroleum based, they ARE petroleum.  And, the effects on children with ADHD is visible, but what are these additives doing that we can't see?  Ingesting petroleum certainly can't be helping combat the increase in cancer rates, can it? 

For the next few days, check out the products in your house.  Your toothpaste and vitamins most likely contain additives, your Honey Maid graham crackers contain vanillan (artificial vanilla), your Yoplait yogurt has additives, your milk may be enhanced with Vitamin D that has preservatives (and these aren't even shown on a label), your cereals are almost guaranteed to have additives, as well as your mac & cheese, hotdogs, chips, cookies, cake and frosting mixes, lunch meats, cheeses, fruit snacks, shampoos, cleaning products, room fragrance, etc.  How many additives are your kids consuming each day?  Even if they don't have ADHD or behavioral issues, what are these toxic products doing to their little bodies that you can't see? 

I used to be a person that trusted foods that the FDA approved.  But now, if I read an ingredients list and I can't instantly tell how that ingredient is found in nature - I put it back on the shelf.  I want my family to eat food, pure and simple.  In Europe, where warning labels are now required, companies like Kellogs, McDonalds, Wrigley - all use naturals colors and flavors in their products - and yet they still sell the artificial additives in our country.  It just doesn't pass the smell test, does it?

Just for fun, check out these Wikipedia links to see what artificial colors are made of:

Blue 1 (Brilliant Blue) - produced using aromatic hydrocarbons from petroleum.  US production exceeds 1 million pounds annually.

Red 40 -  was originally manufactured from coal tar, but is now mostly made from petroleum.   

Yellow 5 - also known as tartrazine, but hard to figure out what the heck that is.  Check out the material safety data sheet on what to do if exposed to tartrazine.  And yet, we can eat it? 

BHT -  is a lipophilic organic compound (huh?!?) that is primarily used as an antioxidant food additive as well as an additive in cosmetics, pharmaceuticals, jet fuels, rubber, petroleum products, electrical transformer oil and embalming fluid.  It  is prepared by the reaction of p-cresol (a major componant in pig odor) with isobutylene (a colorless flamable gas) catalysed by sulfuric acid.  Yum!

TBHQ - tertiary butylhydroquinone, which is an antioxidant that comes from petroleum and is related to butane. It is often used as a preservative, applied either to the carton of fast food items or sprayed directly onto them, as well as in various other prepackaged food items.

"Lake" - Lakes are made by combining dyes with salts to make insoluble compounds.  (So for example you would see Red Lake 40 instead of the dye Red 40.) 

I am so envious of Europe, that I would be able to walk in any store and find natural foods for my children.  That my children could eat the snack handed out by the team mom at baseball games because the off-the-shelf granola bar only contained natural products.  I shouldn't have to search several stores to find food that really is food, with ingredients that once grew in soil and had to be harvested instead of chemically compounded.  It just shouldn't be that hard.

Jumping To Conclusions

Whenever Ben has a bad day, getting in trouble and such, I quickly jump to the conclusion that he has eaten something to cause the reaction.  I don't know if I will ever lose that instinct.  I analyze everything I know he's eaten, trying to determine patterns of foods that may have caused the behavior.  Then I start slyly quizzing him to see if he will admit to eating anything bad.  (I can usually tell if he's telling the truth or not.)  If those ideas come up empty I may consider the fact that he's a six year old boy and this is what they do sometimes, but nah - it has to be the food.  And in my defense, for the last year, it really has been the food.

But yesterday, an evening that I went straight from work to a client dinner and didn't get to see my family, I jumped to the wrong conclusion.  Talking on my blue tooth to Darrin while I drove to dinner, he told me that Ben had gotten in some serious trouble at Miss P's (his daycare) for inappropriate potty talk.  Like, REALLY inappropriate.  I was embarrassed and shocked at the same time because he doesn't talk like this at home.  (I'm probably making it sound worse than it is - there were no bad words or age-inappropriate phrasing - just butt/poop/stinky type stuff.)  Instantly I start quizzing Darrin:  Did you ask him if he ate anything, did he eat his lunch, does he seem to be reacting?  Darrin told me to relax, it was just a boy thing.  As a consequence, Darrin had Ben write three pages of sentences, which is like torture for Ben. 

This morning I questioned Ben about the sentences and he shamefully told me that he was using potty talk at Miss P's and got in trouble.  I explained to both my children that if I heard anyone say potty talk it would be instant time out.  When we got to Miss P's, I had Ben go to her, apologize, and promise not to do it again.  I could tell by his body language that he was very embarrassed and remorseful.  At that point I knew that this was a six year old boy thing and NOT a food reaction at all. 

The difference is that when Ben is reacting, there is no remorse, no shame and no consequence that even puts a pause in the bad behavior.  The only thing that works to correct behavior in a reaction is to remove him from the situation.  But even when he calms down, he still has a distorted view of reality and things are always someone else's fault.  On the contrary, when Ben is not reacting, he can analyze his own behavior, draw conclusions himself, and feel the pain of a consequence.  He also feels truly sorry.  Getting back in the car to head over to school, I explained to Ben that we didn't need to discuss this episode anymore, that he had made a mistake and that was okay - because we learn from our mistakes. 

What I learned was that maybe we are really through the dark time in our lives, and I need to get to know this little boy that I can now see through all the clutter.  He is a sensitive, caring, lovable boy who only wants to please people - even if making his friends laugh gets him into trouble.  I am so filled with gratitude that because the clutter is gone, Ben can now learn from these lessons as he gets older, and hopefully doesn't make the same ones twice. 

May I Brag A Little?

So after two weeks of complete hell with Ben's behavior from eating contraband foods I had thought we finally had a breakthrough last Sunday (see here) and boy was I right.  This week Ben worked really hard to not eat bad food.  Two days this week he brought home contraband food his friends gave him so he could exchange it for $1 as I promised him. 

Ladies and Gents, I have to tell you that this week at home was AWESOME!!  On Thursday night I gave Ben a big hug and said "Ben, do you realize that you and I have not argued one time this week!?!"  He gave me a big giant grin.  Homework was a breeze this week, there were no meltdowns during vision therapy, he was able to play video games and air hockey without losing his mind when he lost, he frequently did nice things for his sister, and he was just generally great to be around. He also told me that he had no cards pulled this week. 

And then yesterday, he even achieved the coveted Super Star Student Award in Mr. H's first grade class.  Ok, I admit I cried again when I found out.  So Ben got to pick our dinner for the night (homemade pizza) and Darrin and I took Ben and Lia to Toys R Us to celebrate.  Each of them had a $25 gift card left over from Christmas, and Darrin and I told Ben that because he had worked so hard this week and was such a joy to be around, in addition to earning Super Star Student, we matched that $25.  You should have seen Ben's eyes pop out of his head when he heard he had $50 to spend at Toys R Us! 

His choice:  The Imaginext Toy Story 3 Landfill.  Right now it's filled with the Toy Story Characters, Lego men, army guys and maybe even a princess or two.  He's in heaven - and so am I. 

An Amazing Surprise

At the end of every month Mr. H sends an email to all the 1st grade parents to applaud the children who didn't get any cards pulled that month.  It's like torture every month for a couple of reasons.  First, he puts "Behavior" in the subject line.  Being a parent of a child who is frequently in trouble and getting an email entitled "Behavior" makes my heart drop.  Then I open the email and realize it isn't about my kid, but it's about all the kids who had no trouble at all.  Oh, isn't that just swell.  And it's the same kids month after month. 

Today when I got the email I seriously almost sent a reply that said "Unsubscribe". 

HOWEVER . . . no, Ben's name wasn't on the email.  BUT. . . . Ben did bring home his monthly list of pulled cards.  Here is what I am used to seeing (this is August through January, and only the green cards - but yes, he pulled yellow and even one red before).  My favorite is 1/11/11 for "Jumping in front of overhead lights".  Yup, that's Ben.

And here is what I found when I looked at Ben's card this month:

And I just need to say, on February 7th, there was a substitute teacher.  Isn't some bad behavior expected?

Seriously though folks, my eyes watered when I saw this card.  I was more proud of that kid in that moment than I have been for many other things.  He worked very hard to have such a "clean" card.

In other great news, Ben brought me a contraband cookie today that he got from a friend at school!  Not only did I give him a dollar for that according to our deal, I gave him some extra dollars to reward him for his behavior in school this last month.  We are making progress, people.  We are making progress.

A Money Making Endeavor

After the Valentine's week from you know where, with Ben eating contraband candy every day, I went into last week thinking things would get better.  Boy was I wrong.  It seemed like Ben decided to eat unapproved food every single day.  Chips from his friend at lunch, someones cookie at recess, on and on.  Not wanting to dwell on the negative, I tried to reinforce the positive. . . with bribery.  On Thursday night I told him that I understood how hard it was to say no to food that tasted good, but that I wanted him to make the healthy choice and say no.  So I made a deal with him that if he brought home whatever it was that he wanted to eat, instead of eating it, I would pay him a dollar.  He got very excited so I thought my plan would work.  And then on Friday, he ate someones chips.  UGH! 

You have to understand that even two chips of the unapproved variety can result in three days worth of bad behavior - especially when it's an every day occurrence.  Ben gets extremely angry and has almost zero frustration tolerance.  Things like homework, brushing his teeth, vision therapy, and any other small instruction can result in a horrible angry mess of a six year old.  And there is no reasoning with him when he's in a rage.  We have learned techniques to deal with his rages, teaching him how to isolate himself when he's in one so he can calm himself down.  Once he's out of it you can talk to him about what happened and try to help him learn from it.  I learned these techniques in this book:  The Explosive Child.  I highly, highly recommend this book to anyone who has a child that rages.  You know who you are. 

So we dealt with his reaction from the chips on Friday, and then on Saturday, and Sunday morning.  By Sunday afternoon he was pretty much back to his good self.  I call that "Fun Ben".  (Instead of "Angry Ben").  Last night after we did some homework together (Darrin and Lia were in another part of the house so we had no distractions), I calmly talked to Ben about him eating unapproved food.  I explained to him that as much as I loved him, I did not like to be around "Angry Ben".  I told him that what he ate at school was his choice, because I wasn't there to watch him.  And I said that if he made bad choices, and ate unapproved food, and "Angry Ben" came out, that I was not going to take "Angry Ben" anywhere with us.  I told him that he would stay home while Darrin, Lia and I went out to do something fun. 

This hurt Ben very much and he actually started to cry.  I told him that I wasn't trying to make him upset, but he needed to understand how bad it was for the rest of us when he decided to eat bad food that makes him angry.  And that we choose not to be around him when he's like that.  Then I told him that he could help me decide what he wanted to have in his lunch, and that if there were any foods he saw his friends eating at school, that he could tell me about them and I would try my best to find or make them in an approved version.  This made him perk up a bit and he said he thought that was a great idea.  I felt like we really had a break through last night and I crossed my fingers and toes that he would make the right choices today. 

When I got home this evening, before I could even get in the door, Ben yelled to me "MOM!  I brought home COOKIES!!!"  And he ran and grabbed a bag of animal cookies that his friend had given him.  He also told me "Mom, I even ate a chip from my friend, but then I remembered and I spit it out RIGHT AWAY!".  The funny thing is, I believe him.  I could just tell that he was telling me the truth.  You can bet I gave him his dollar right away.  I hope this week I get to pay him four more dollars so we can do something fun together this weekend.  It's worth every penny.

The Evil Of Valentine's Day

I had totally planned ahead.  I knew there was a Valentine's Day party in the first grade on Friday the 11th, so I prepared.  I made Ben's favorite peanut butter chocolate chip cookies, ordered approved candy from Indie Candy, and took off work early to attend the party myself.  Mostly, it went according to plan. 

A first grade party is a pretty casual affair.  The kids decorated bags to collect their valentines, they all passed out their V-Day cards with assorted treats, the room parents passed out the brightly colored sugar cookies, cupcakes with neon frosting, fruit punch to wash down the other toxins.  I was so incredibly proud of Ben as he said "No thank you" to all the treats, sorted the unapproved candy out of his bag and gave it to his friend Jacob, and offered peanut butter cookies to the rest of the class.  When the party was over, and Ben knew he still had his daycare party to attend, I asked him if he wanted me to drive him to Mrs. P's, or if he'd prefer to take the bus with his friends.  He decided to take the bus since it was Jacob's first time, so I kissed him goodbye and headed to the grocery store. 

And then it hit me.  Like a serious ton of bricks.  HE WENT ON THE BUS WITH JACOB SO HE COULD EAT THE CANDY!  CRAP!  Sure enough, after my grocery shopping I picked the kids up at daycare and immediately noticed Ben's red ears - a dead giveaway of a reaction.  He admitted to me that he ate valentine fruit snacks, but only one pack.  He promised me he wouldn't do it again.  And then on Tuesday he did it again.  And promised me he wouldn't do it again.  And today he did it again.  UGH!!!  All this trouble that we go through to keep his diet clean and one little piece of candy ruins it all. 

So this whole week we've been dealing with rages, emotional outbursts, not listening, aggravating his sister.  It's so frustrating that I just want to put him in a bubble.  My dilemma is that if I punish him, then he won't admit to me when he's eaten off diet.  If I don't punish him, he will obviously continue the behavior.  I truly am just not sure what to do. 

Granted, things would be SO much worse if we weren't eating right the rest of the time - these rages don't last very long and he can usually calm himself down if we remove him from the situation.  Pre-Feingold they would have lasted all night.  So I guess progress, even without perfection, is still a great thing. 

He's Just a Boy

Many of you may know our story.  Perfect baby boy, apple of our eye.  His first word was "Hi" and he said it to everyone who walked by.  He was content to play by himself, slept great, ate whatever we put in front of him and we could take him anywhere.  When he was two, his baby sister was born.  And when he was two and a half, he turned into the exorcist. 

Our son is now six, and if not for our journey over the past ten months, I wouldn't be writing this blog.  I'd still be engaged in screaming matches and endless time outs.  But we've come a long way since then and since I can't fit a lecture circuit into my busy schedule, I'm going to blog about it. 

When we first started having problems with Ben, we thought it had to do with terrible twos, a new sister and a new daycare.  At three we put him into a preschool, only to remove him one month later before they could kick him out.  He was wild, misbehaved, loud, obnoxious, impulsive and couldn't keep his hands to himself.  And yet at the same time he was sweet, lovable, smart, funny and incredible.  Kindergarten was an anxious time for me.  My shoulders would feel heavy every day when I'd pick him up wondering what shoe had dropped that day:  a card pulled (or three?), a note home, getting pulled aside by a daycare teacher so she could tell me he wouldn't listen to her?  We'd talk about his behavior but he could never explain it.  We tried every Supernanny technique consistently, to no avail.  It was a terrible, dark time. 

The week before we found Feingold, my husband Darrin swore he would never go to baseball practice with Ben again because he was embarrased that our son completly ignored the coach.  Ben's daycare provider told me that she didn't know how to discipline him.  She'd look him in the eyes, make sure he understood the direction she provided, and then he'd turn around and do the opposite.  No amount of consequence seemed to do any good - at home, at daycare or at school.  We had reached rock bottom and had nowhere else to go.  And then my mom suggested I research the link between diet and behavior. 

Now I never thought we ate poorly.  We always ate a homecooked meal around the dinner table each night (ok, maybe we went out to dinner one or two nights a week).  Our kids got all their vegetables, protein and dairy.  I believed that if the FDA approved it, it was fine to eat.  Organic was for "granola" people.  Yet when I read the Feingold website (http://www.feingold.org/) and saw what was in our food and the effects it has on childrens' behavior, I was astounded.  And I cried as I read the testimonials of moms, just like me, who had struggled with their children's behavior, and had turned that behavior around with something so simple as diet changes.  Feingold is a nonprofit organization, so I paid my sum to purchase the materials and I got started immediatly removing everything from our house that had artificial colors, flavors or preservatives. 

In the very first week we saw incredible results.  Where Ben used to play with his large duplo legos for five minutes and throw tantrums because he couldn't build what he envisioned, now he was playing with his small legos for HOURS - making buildings, cars, boats and more.  In fact, his small legos were the only toy he played with that entire week.  No random toys strewn about the house as usual, discarded after five minutes of play.  At baseball practice a week later, the coach asked "Have you been practicing with Ben? It's like he woke up and decided to play baseball!".  Over the next couple of months Ben learned to grasp concepts he was struggling with before like reading and writing, riding a two wheel bike without training wheels, swimming without floaties, and more.  He now had the patience to do challenging things without getting frustrated and giving up.  It was amazing to watch.  And even more amazing to realize how little time he was now spending on time out or screaming at us. 

The past ten months have really been a journey for us.  It has not been easy, and we've dealt with many naysayers and hurdles along the way.  But it has been worth every second, because Darrin and I have our son back.  Our sweet, funny, lovable, smart, talented boy.  I want to share our trials and tribulations so that maybe we can help other children like Ben, whose parents simply aren't aware of the toxins in food that affect children.  As I get to know other Feingold moms I see that our stories have different angles and symptoms, but they all have incredible results.  I hope my blog can share information about diet, recipes, happy memories and laughable moments as we see how our story develops.

We continue to learn more every day about foods and other things that affect our lives, and as we tinker, life gets better every day.  It certainly isn't perfect, but it's life as we know it.