It Happened So Fast

My babies went from this:

To this:

Where in the world did time go?

Following Ezra

I just finished a book that completely moved me.

It's called Following Ezra: What One Father Learned About Gumby, Otters, Autism, and Love from His Extraordinary Son.  I think I first heard about it in the Wall Street Journal, and I pre-ordered it on my Kindle.  My recent trip to Spokane gave me the perfect opportunity to read it, since there isn't much time for reading when I'm at home.

This book made me smile, laugh and cry.  My son doesn't have autism, but the more I read about it, the more I am convinced that what Ben has (ADHD or whatever) carries some traits that are similar to other spectrum disorders.  It's just a very, very mild version of the symptoms.

In Following Ezra, Tom Fields-Meyer chronicles his family's story of finding out that their preschool age son is "different", trying to "fix" him, and eventually learning to love and cherish Ezra for the beautiful boy he is.  By the end of the book, while on the plane back home, I had to actually take breaks reading because I found myself openly weeping for Ezra, his family and their "success".

There are several moments in the book that I can completely identify with.  The first happens when Tom Fields-Meyer talks about sleep training his son at a time when they didn't yet know he had autism.  He explains how he consulted all the parenting manuals, and how the books promised that the techniques would work for "almost every child".  Ha!  When Ben was two and a half, I read every SuperNanny book on the market, cover to cover, putting into practice these disciplinary measures that should have helped my son understand the rules.  But nothing seemed to work.

For those of you who have a child with some sort of special needs, this quote from the book will resonate with you.  I choked up when I read these words:

"The trouble is, I'm following instructions that were written for another kid."

You can find the book here on Amazon.  You can also check out the website here, to read a little more about the book.  I recommend this to everyone, but especially to parents of spectrum kids.  It is an uplifting story from start to finish, and very raw and emotional insight into Tom Fields-Meyer's journey in understanding - and appreciating - his autistic son.

A beautiful, beautiful story.  I am so thankful that I read it.

Finding Fresh Bread

For Trade It Tuesday today, something special!  I've decided that I will never buy a loaf of bread again.  Yes, I know, I already make my own white sandwich bread.  And it's delicious, thanks to my Cuisinart Bread Maker.

But for my birthday, my great friend Jeff gave me some of his sourdough starter.  Since my birthday I have been feeding this starter and caring for it like a beloved pet.  And on Sunday, I turned the starter into leaven.  And late Sunday evening I turned that leaven into dough, letting it do its bulk fermentation throughout the night.  And on Monday morning I separated it into two dough balls, and let them rise in the refrigerator while I was at work.  And finally, on Monday evening, I baked those two dough balls and they turned into beautiful, heavenly loaves of rustic bread.

And on Tuesday, we ate that bread.  With our eggs in the morning for breakfast, and as french toast for dinner.  (Yes, you heard that right!)

I can't wait to test my new skill and make more loaves!

Sometimes I sit back and reflect on who I am these days.  Here I am talking about leaven and bulk fermentation.  Last week I was discussing processing time and pounds of pressure (that's canning talk for those of you that aren't familiar) with my mother in law.  Three years ago I would have told you that all of this is more trouble than it's worth when you can buy these things at the store.  But boy was I wrong.  It is worth it!

Today I wouldn't trade our fresh food for anything.  Food for our family has become a passion for me.  And yes, it takes time, but it is definitely a labor of love.  And the quality can't be bought.

Cold Jealousy

Work took me to Spokane for a couple of nights last week so I had the good fortune to visit my mother and father in-law.  Darrin was SO jealous!  I had the most incredible visit with them - Dixie made a fantastic dinner (and I took home a new recipe) plus apple pie for dessert, I slept like a baby, and then had breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast (homemade bread!) with them before I headed back to our project site. 

I felt so comfortable there, and it dawned on me, Dixie shows love the way I do - through her cooking!  I felt so loved and comforted because Dixie did for me what I do for my kids, making delicious homemade, fresh cooking.  I hope my kids appreciate me as much as I appreciated dinner with Digger and Dixie!  It was also so much fun to just relax and chit chat with them, catching up from the last few months. 

But I came home with a new wish - for Darrin to build me a cold room.  I am SO jealous of Dixie's cold room, and of its contents.  Everything in her cold room was canned straight from her garden or local produce.  Look how beautiful this is!

Of course, I am also quite jealous of their view in Washington, too. 

I could have stayed five more days with treatment like this. But I think Darrin would have cried foul for sure! 

Quality Time At The Pumpkin Patch

Last weekend was so busy that this weekend I decided to focus on my family.  Unfortunately, Darrin had to work today, so focusing on my family meant focusing on my kids.  Today's primary goal was the pumpkin patch, and we set out early to beat the crowds.  Even though we had just been to Fog Willow on Tuesday for Lia's field trip, we needed to get our "family" pumpkins.

Thanks to a great night's sleep, I was a very patient and relaxed Mommy today - so I let the kids play for a VERY long time in the playground at the pumpkin patch.  We also took a hay ride, the kids rode a cow train, and of course, we found two large pumpkins.  I tried really hard to get a good picture of the kids together, but they were so busy having fun that it was more than difficult to get them to stop and pose.

Once we were home, I did what any good Mommy would do - I bribed the children.  I told them that if they helped me clean up the house (putting their toys away) that we would carve the pumpkins.  My bribery worked, so after cleaning up and then eating lunch, the kids and I sat out on our driveway and carved our pumpkins.  I planned on letting the kids carve their own, but the flimsy kid-knives we bought broke, so I ended up doing the carving.  However the kids drew their desired pumpkin face on the paper, and I turned that draft into an actual jack-o-lantern.

At one point, Ben hugged me and said "You are the bestest Mommy in the whole world - I just love spending time with you!"  He couldn't have made me any happier.

Ben's pumpkin on the left, mine in the middle, and Lia's giant
pumpkin on the right. 

I needed this day with my babies as much as they did.  We were all sad that Darrin wasn't with us, but I do think it's good once in a while to just have some Mommy-Kid time, too.  We enjoyed our day so much, I really wish we had the chance to do it more often.

Maybe I'll go part-time at work - HA, RIGHT!

Fighting Over Snacks

While the kindergartners were paying close attention at the field trip to Fog Willow, Cooper and Luke were relaxing with a good snack and shooting the breeze, probably checking out the ladies -

and comparing notes on what their moms had given them to eat.

Until Cooper decides that Luke's snack looks pretty good . . . 

and goes in for the grab.  

But Luke stands his ground and doesn't let Coop get away with snack stealing!  

The two of them then duked it out until there was a clear winner.  

No, not really.  

Luke got his snack back and the issue was behind them. 

Sometimes boys ARE easier than girls! 

Learning About Friendships With Girls

Lately, Lia has been struggling with hurt feelings, because her best friend Ella has started to be friends with the other girls in the class.  Lia is friends with them too, but doesn't understand why Ella wants to sit next to the other girls or have play dates with them instead of her.  Yesterday during their field trip, Lia turned to me at one point, visibly upset, and said, "Mommy, Ella only wants to be by (girl in class) and not by me."  

Well, I'm sure I don't have to tell you this broke my heart for my baby girl.  After all, I remember grade school friendships very clearly.  While I have had my lifetime best friend, Sarah, since we were babies in a crib, we didn't attend grade school together.  In grade school I had a circle of six girl friends, and a ton of great memories from those days, but I have to say we were very hard on each other.  At any given time, one or two of us were "best friends", but that could change at a moment's notice, and frequently did.  And I will never forget the hurt I felt when suddenly I went from being the "best friend" to being just one of the six.  I honestly believe it has been the reason that I closely guard the term "best friend" and, with the exception of Sarah, have only bestowed the term on Morgan after college, and in the past few years to Shawna and Kate.  To me, a "best friend" is someone who will always be a best friend, no matter what life throws at you or how much you may disagree.  Best friend is not a title loosely thrown around. 

So . . .  what do I teach my daughter?  I don't have any magic words for her to make her feel better.  Maybe five is too young to understand the dynamics of friendships with girls, but at the same time I need to help her navigate this situation.  

First, I want to teach her confidence, letting her know that she is an awesome friend and an incredible person.  I want her to understand that she is fun, nice, funny and talented.  I want her to know that no matter what Ella does, it is not a reflection of Lia at all.  

Next, I want her to understand that it is okay for her or for Ella to have many friends, and that it doesn't mean they can't still be friends with each other.  I want to encourage her to make her own friendships, just like Ella is doing.  (And I made a mental note to myself to invite other girls over for play dates to help her do this.)  

Finally, I want to help Lia find friendships outside of school.  I haven't figured out how or when, but I want her to have solid relationships outside of her classroom, like I had with Sarah, to help her feel like the world doesn't begin and end with grade school.  

I am convinced that the way to help our girls is to develop their confidence in themselves.  I watch my daughter struggle with this - whether it is public speaking for the first time on share day, feeling comfortable wearing a crazy hair-do on crazy hair day without knowing what everyone else is doing, or making new friends when the old ones are moving on.  She reminds me so much of myself.  

I didn't find my confidence until I was in college.  I had really hoped to spare some of those tough years for her.  But maybe there is nothing that I can do and it's something she has to learn, just like I did.  Until then, perhaps the best thing I can do is just be there to hug her when her feelings are hurt.

Another Round Of Pumpkins

Today was the Kindergarten field trip to Fog Willow, the pumpkin patch in our rural area.  We first went with Ben's Kinder class two years ago, although that seems like just yesterday.  Lia was very excited for her first field trip (and Ben was very jealous that he didn't get to go). 

The field trip was fantastic.  They had lots of things for the kids to do and see - I swear every year Fog Willow puts on a better and better show.  Besides picking pumpkins and going on a hay ride, the kids fed goats, brushed a pony, learned about chickens/rabbits/llamas/pigs, sheared a sheep, stuffed a hay bale and played on the playground.  A very busy morning!

It was especially nice to spend some time with Lia's class, to get to know some of the kids that she keeps talking about.

It also made me think back on Ben's field trip two years ago, when I spent the entire time making sure Ben didn't get into trouble, held still while the other kids were trying to learn, and didn't do something impulsive like kick a pumpkin or jump off the hay ride.  These types of reminders are good for making me realize how far we've come with Ben's behavior since we started the Feingold Program.

It also made me realize, in general, how much easier girls are than boys!

Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner

Driving through a parking lot yesterday, with Lia sitting next to me:

Me:  "Whew, Lia, you smell like a little dirt ball!"

Lia:  "Yep, Mommy, that's cause I didn't take a bath today."

Me:  "Well, you need to take one tonight - you smell dirty."

Lia:  "Yep, and Mommy, I did some dancing today - so that makes me a Dirty Dancer!"

Oh Lord. 

Where 35 Kicks 25's Arse

Remember when I mentioned my 25th birthday party in Sutter Creek, since it was somewhat similar to my sister's 25th birthday party this past August?  Well, unlike my sister's 25th, my 25th sucked.  We had made big plans to go up to Sutter Creek, make dinner for a bunch of our friends, go to the local bar.  But what actually happened is that everyone got way too drunk way too fast (except for me - that was my fatal error), so I was left to make dinner for everyone, find my now-husband when he got lost in an intersection, nurse drunk people, etc.  In hindsight, I think I had set these expectations about how the evening was supposed to turn out, and when that didn't happen - well, it unraveled for me.

Now, 10 years later, it was time to plan something for my 35th.  And this one turned out perfect.

The difference this time has to do with age.  Being ten years older, being a mom of two children, being a wife, a boss - all of this has changed me.  I am confident, I am content, I have surrounded myself with people who are true friends.  I didn't need to set any expectations about how the evening was going to go.  Knowing that I was with people I love was enough for me.

Shawna labeled this birthday card, which I thought was perfect!

The best part is that for the first time in a long time, I had all of my bestie girlfriends with me (with the exception of my little sister who was stuck in San Diego).  Sarah, Morgan, Shawna and Kate were all there to celebrate my big day.  That was the best birthday present of all!  Of course we also had their significant others, my awesome husband, my great little brother Leo, and our friends Justin and Randy who joined us at the last minute.

We celebrated with dinner at Ten22 in Old Sacramento, a quick stop at the Shady Lady bar, finished with a couple hours at Club 2Me where we monopolized the shuffle board table.  We finally rolled home at 2:30 in the morning.

Two special mentions: we had an anonymous benefactor who paid for dinner for our entire group.  I have some suspicions on who it may have been, but regardless - a very HUGE thank you to whoever sponsored our dinner - that was a very cool surprise!  Second, my brother did a totally awesome thing and offered to be our designated driver for the evening.  He didn't even have one drink, and he delivered us all home safely at the end of the night.  Leo, you are amazing for doing that for us!

In all, my 35th birthday exceeded any expectations I had for a birthday.  I am so blessed to have these friends in my life.  This birthday made up for that 25th birthday so long ago.

I will say, 35 requires more time to recover from a hangover than 25 did.

Here are iPhone photos from the evening (my large Nikon camera just didn't go with my outfit):

Shawna, Kate, Me, Morgan and Sarah

Jeff, Leo & Scott at one end of the table.

Scott & Kate

Me and my original bestie, Sarah.

Randy, Justin and Darrin at the other end of the table.

For My Birthday, Picture This

Darrin has this knack for finding the world's most perfect cards for me.  Not sure how he does it.  Since he leaves the house pretty early some mornings, my card today was waiting for me by the coffee maker - a place he knew I would find it.  (The present he got me, however, was hiding in the barn, on the passenger side of the "porn boat" - a 1977 glitter brown Avenger ski boat that our friends named for us because of its appearance.) 

This week has been so stressful (I know - you're probably getting tired of hearing that from me, but I swear this job was not nearly as stressful BEFORE THE RECESSION).  Seriously, if it weren't for planning dinner out tonight and securing a babysitter (thanks Mom!), I may have even forgotten it was my birthday at all. 

Anyway, Darrin's card was just what I needed.  He even drew a little guy on a bicycle.  The card says:

Picture This:

You and I, years and

years from now,

cruising along some coastal

highway with the top down,

stereo blasting,

the wind whipping our hair.

Whatever we want to do,

we do it.

No agenda, no schedule,

nobody else

to worry about.

We travel the country,

buying silly T-shirts

and sending postcards,

stopping at tiny

roadside cafes

in search of the

world's best blueberry pie.

No hurry.  No rush.

Relaxing in the comfort

of a lifetime

of companionship.

You and I . . .

lovers, friends, partners

on this road of life.

Happy Birthday. 

I love my husband.  I love my family.  I love my friends.  Even with all the stress, my life is a good one and I am blessed.  It is a happy birthday. 

Don't Occupy My Street

So, I've not paid a ton of attention to the Occupy Wall Street movement to date.  I figured it was just a bunch of 20 somethings with too much time on their hands and little to no understanding of how the real world works.  But I came across a couple of articles today that seriously had me busting a gut at the demands of these protesters.


Now, I respect the protesters for using their freedom of speech to speak out against what they feel are the injustices in the world.  That is what America is all about.  I don't respect the bad apples that are part of the protest who are doing things like pooping on police cars, stirring up trouble with the police, trashing the parks where the protests are being held or having sex in public.  However I'm sure these hoodlums are not representative of the entire movement.


Today I read the manifesto of sorts, maybe a declaration of independence, that embodies what the Occupy Wall Street Movement is all about.  And I seriously laughed my arse off.


For one thing, you keep hearing about how the protesters are against "capitalism" - that big evil word that is symbolized by Wall Street.  And yet the protesters all have their iPhones, iPads, computers, etc.  Um, sorry folks, but capitalism - not government or "the people" - made those gadgets possible.  I'm not really sure that Steve Jobs would have been on his endless quest for newer/faster/better products if he wasn't making a gazillion dollars off of them, or if he didn't have the venture capitalists to fund the projects.  Just sayin'.


But the really disturbing part, is the conflicted manifesto that the movement has created.  Now granted, there is a disclaimer that this document is just a rough draft.  But good gravy, it is full of conflicting ideas and half brained schemes - and I have a very hard time believing that anybody takes it seriously.  You can read the entire document here, but below I have copied a few of my favorite lines, besides the one about a "General Happiness Indicator" (notes in () are mine):

• Socialize undergraduate level college.  Make failing impossible to assure that everyone has the same chance in the work place post-college.  (Can you tell this came from the generation where EVERYONE got a trophy just for participating?)
• Teach character building classes from grade one, measure success based on drive/cooperation/interactions with others, not only final outcome.  (Because it's not how well we perform that determines success, it's how much people like us and how we work with them, right?)
• Impose universal morality for parents who do not participate in raising their children.  Remove children from households with parents who refuse to educate them properly.  (OK, this one's just scary.  Who gets to determine the "universal morality" and who decides whether children are being educated "properly"?)
• Education should be funded with some of the $2billion/week that goes to war-funding.  At least 50% of it. This will weaken our military by 50% at least, forcing the rest of the world to pick up the slack.  This will in turn cause their economies to tank, taking ours with it.  But at least we'll be highly educated. (I don't even need to comment on this one, do I?)
• We will have no military - only defense.  (Huh?)
• There will be no war, so that's moot.  The government will have one media center in which it broadcasts/reports on the news.  Who do these war-mongers think are going to attack us?  (Cool, I've heard this government news thing works really well in China and North Korea.  As for the war-mongers, I guess maybe they just remember 9/11 and pay attention to the news everyday where PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO ATTACK US!  Wait, I guess that makes me a war-monger.)
• Reinstate the draft - no loopholes for college attendees.  (Why is the draft necessary if we don't have war in this utopia?)
• The government should only work with weapons manufacturers organized as Non-Profits.  (Bwahahahahahaha!)
• Compulsory registration and voting for all US citizens age 18 through 70 for State and Federal elections. (Voting is your right, therefore we are FORCING you to do it! Except if you get too old, then we can't trust you.)
• Absolute debt relief.  (Sweet, I'm going shopping NOW!  Where did I put that credit card - oh yeah, I tore it up so I didn't go into debt.  Guess I regret that fiscal prudence now.  Stupid Dave Ramsey.)
• Prosecute every elected, appointed, or career bureaucratic official in the Obama administration who conspired to traffic guns to drug cartels, resulting in countless murders on both sides of the border, a scandal worse than Watergate, where nobody died.  (I actually agree with this one.)
• End the war on drugs.  Allow each person's neurochemical balances to be a personal choice.  These substances have also been proven to give already brilliant minds newly profound insights.  It is safe to assume that these insights would have remained unimagined otherwise.  If we allow our scientists - if they so choose - access to take these substances while working on unrelated research, it may potentially lead to monumental breakthroughs not yet imagined. (Bwahahahahahaha!)

Even better, they have predetermined "appropriate" salary ranges for various occupations:

• Bankers $20,000
• Lawyers $27,500
• Realtors $25,000
• Doctors $28,000
• Nurses $27,500
• Teachers/Librarians/Train Engineers/Bridge Maintenance/Ship Pilots $35,000
• Police $36,000
• Public Servants $28,500
• Other public sector $30,000
• Other private sector $29,000
• Entrepreneurs/Business Owners $10,000
• Congress $30,000
• President $40,000
• Soldiers N/A
• Defense Workers $25,000

After my good laugh at the expense of Occupy Wall Street, I sat back and actually thought about this.  And it's more than a little scary.  If this is the mindset of our younger generations, we are in big trouble folks.  Because everything they have outlined - it's called socialism.  


And it has never worked ANYWHERE.  


So in closing, take a look at this cartoon that was created in 1948.  It's surprisingly profound and I think it needs to be broadcast in New York and every other city that is currently tolerating the Occupy Wall Street Movement.  Capitalism is responsible for many good things we have in our lives today.  It may not be perfect, but it's a hell of a lot better than any other -ism.  

Hot Soup For A Cold Day

By cold day, I don't mean weather.  It's mid 70's here, which is absolutely perfect.  No, what I mean is a day in which I have a cold.  Like a really bad cold.

This recipe is one I stole from my parents, who stole it from a book.  But I can't give props to its creator, because the copy I have doesn't say what book.  This is a pretty quick recipe as far as minestrone soup goes, in that it takes less than an hour from start to finish.  Some versions of minestrone soup can take more than 24 hours if you factor in soaking the beans.  Who has that much time to plan ahead?

Not me, and certainly not when I have a cold.

My family loves this recipe.  It makes a great, filling dinner - especially with homemade sliced bread with butter!



Quick Minestrone 

Ingredients:
1/2 cup olive oil
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 large onion, coarsely chopped
1 pound carrots, diced
5 stalks celery, diced
2 tablespoons oregano (fresh or dried)
1 tablespoon basil (fresh or dried)
salt & pepper
4 quarts Beef or Chicken Broth
1 pound potatoes, diced
small head shredded cabbage
1 can (28oz) peeled plum tomatoes
1 can (15oz) red kidney beans
1 can (15oz) white kidney beans (cannellini)
1 can (15oz) garbanzo beans
1 bag (10oz) baby lima beans
6 slices cooked bacon, chopped
1 cup small shell macaroni
grated Parmesan Cheese

Directions:

In a 12qt pot, simmer garlic and onion in olive oil for 5 minutes.  Add carrots, celery, oregano, basil and salt & pepper and simmer for 15 minutes, stirring to prevent sticking.

Carrots, Celery and Onion simmering in the olive oil with seasonings.

Add broth, potatoes and cabbage and bring to boil.  Cook 15 minutes.

These are the two brands of broth I use.  Remember to buy one with no added
artificial flavors or MSG.  

Pour the tomatoes into a bowl (with juice) and crush them, then add to pot along with the beans (drain the beans first) and bacon.  Add salt and pepper as needed and bring the mixture to a slow boil again.

Most canned veggies are free of artificial colors, flavors or preservatives,
but check the ingredients label just to be sure.  

Add the shells and cook 15 minutes or until the shells are done.  Stir often.  Remove and sprinkle grated cheese over individual servings.

The recipe says this serves 6-8 but that is an understatement.  We served our family of four tonight and I still was able to save some for tomorrow's dinner, and can five quart size jars!  Needless to say, it makes a ton.

Getting Older

Having a conversation with Ben at the dinner table:

Ben:  Mom, we did something exciting in class today!

Me:  What's that?

Ben:  We listened to music on one of those things, what's it called?  Not a cassette.

Me:  Was it an 8-track?  (Thinking to myself how funny my grandparents old 8-tracks were when I was a kid.)

Ben:  No, one of those round things that is like a DVD, but BIGGER!

Me (humbly):  Oh - you mean a record?

Ben:  YEAH!  A record.  Those are OLD!

Ingredients For Family Pasta Sauce

Here's what you're going to need, to make and can a triple batch of pasta sauce:

A whole lotta big pots ("lotta" is an Italian word, trust me).

A whole lotta meat.

And a best friend (a.k.a. little sister) to help put it all together.  (Oh yeah, and 15 cans of tomato sauce!)

Ring-Around-The-Cooper

We got to have my bestie Shawna's kids, Evan, Ella and Cooper, come hang out with us for a few hours yesterday.  I adore these kids.  This was Cooper's first time at our house without his mommy, and I was a little afraid that he would be nervous about it.  But he had no problems and really enjoyed himself. 

The girls decided it would be fun to play Ring-Around-The-Rosies with Cooper and this was probably his favorite part of the visit.